It took me 30 years to discover what happiness is. For me it was a Saturday morning waking up from a bender and having to put my life back together.

I grew up idealizing heroes. Characters like Rambo, Aragon and Batman were all fighting a battle for some form of an end goal. Some noble purpose. I dreamt of adventure and wished I was born in a different generation, where I could have been fighting on a far away battlefield in Europe for the sake of humanity’s freedom or live free from life’s expectations somewhere in the wild west.

Then came college, marriage, and fatherhood, and suddenly I found myself exactly where I envisioned myself not to be.

Soon after this came the addiction. A monstrous beast that led me to that Saturday morning. Hundreds of thousands in debt. A prisoner.

There I was. Rock bottom.

Happiness for beginners:

There is something lucid about hitting rock bottom. You are suddenly put on a journey uncluttered by the material world, on a quest to save the childlike happiness that remains. For the quest is not for the materialistic but for the spiritual.

You realize that things like family, friendship, love, and health are the only real things worth living for. You no longer need to be numbed to face life’s pain, but instead use love as a shield against insecurity, jealousy and unsatiety.

You suddenly find yourself energized to clean your metaphoric house. Simplifying and optimizing your cluttered existence becomes an obsession. One small victory leads to another and eventually you find yourself in the meadow of deep-rooted happiness.

Unfortunately not all of us are destined to be happy for long, but that should not mean we should stop trying. Never stop being weary for that which consistently brings you to your knees and never forget the positive catalyst that failure can be.

Sadly, some of us are constantly taking one step forward and two steps back. For us it’s not a question of how to get ahead but rather how to prevent ourselves from getting knocked down yet again.

For us, we are constantly drawn to self destruction through life’s cheap thrills.

For us, the journey has to be free from life’s vices.

One step forward might be the only way forward.

Somehow I found what I was looking for. The quest for happiness that took me to hell and back might very well be the greatest and most noble adventure that I have been searching for.

So, next time you see some middle aged loser trapped by life’s obstacles, think rather of the battle that he is on for the greatest treasure there is.

Happiness.

The Unobadger.